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The Unusual As Usual
By Philo Bates NEWSHOUND
Lampwick, VA.,
Medical doctors at Frye University have found the human brain to be made up
of about 85% water. However, 9 out of tens doctors agree that it wouldn’t
taste very good.
Shay’s Ford
Landing, TN Towns' folk recently celebrated the 50th anniversary
of the death of the last survivor of the Civil War. Mrs. Anne Teitum was 112
when she passed away. When asked what she attributed to her longevity she
replied, “I never smoked, drank, or cussed. And I certainly never let any of
them Rebs near my cooter.”
Guapo, Borneo,
Fruit Bat Air Lines has been shut down by local authorities. An official
has said that the airline was a “fly by night” outfit. No one from Fruit Bat
could be screeched for comment.
New York, NY,
Milton Bradley Toys has announced an adult version of its popular “Simon”
game. It is similar to the popular children’s game except when the player loses he
or she is greeted with a derisive phrase such as “Asshole, Jackoff, or Scumbag.”
Washington,
DC, The NRA has suggested that the public participate in a “Name the
Sniper” contest “All of our other serial killers except that ugly bitch Wournos
have had great nicknames like the Boston Strangler, The Zodiac Killer, Son of
Sam and so on” said NRA chief Charlton Hesston. “Let’s give this guy his due.”
Dearborn, MI,
A good Samaritan heard a man at a pay phone in what he believed to be
obvious distress. He tried to give the Heimlich maneuver until he realized the
man was speaking in Arabic.
Rumsfelch, AR,
Things went terribly awry at “Ted’s Neither Hair Nor There” tanning salon
and depilatorium when a man lost a significant amount of skin during a scrotum
wax. “It was balls to the wall pain” said the victim, a Mr. Jimmy Delock.
Ted’s is
next to Betty’s Blow and Go in the Bacon Strip Mall.
The top R&B song
this week: “Oh Father, who art though?”
Thanks
Philo Bates
Junk Brothers News 2002 © All Rights Reversed
®Document#
JBN©2002
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