The Unusual As Usual

The Latest from Newzhound Philo Bates

After suffering a severe nervous breakdown in the wake of the recent Republican takeover of the country, Philo is back with more news generally overlooked by the media.

BETH-EL SHABBAT, HAWAII

LEPROSY SEEN AS CURE FOR SEVERE ACNE

Dermatologists here are testing small doses of leprosy to treat the most severe of acne cases. “We’ve had mixed results so far,” says Dr. Kaohu Foutotopolis,

a native Hawaiian. “The acne goes away but so does the affected area”. “We’ll keep plugging away”.

TESTOSTERONE TEST TESTS TESTY TESTES TAKES TIME TO TAKE TEST

Enuff said

CLAM HARBOUR, AR

FALWELL CALLS FOR CONGRESSIONAL INVESTIGATION

“I would like to get to the bottom of this homosexual thing,” says the Reverend. “We need to find out if these young men are actually born gay or do they get sucked into that lifestyle.” “ I would also like to start a coalition to offer help and support those who are troubled by this whole thing.” “It would be called Fathers Against Gay Guys Outside Their Sex.” The Reverend concedes he needs to “bone up” on the subject.

And in a related story:

ORLANDO, FL

ORLANDO ALMOST LOSES GAY DAYS TO KY

The annual “Gay Days” site selection committee almost changed venues for next year’s week long celebration of gay pride. “We were really excited to hear about Big Bone Lick State Park in Kentucky,” said head chairman Ivan “Moe” Bottoms. Upon hearing this, the Disney World Convention planners turned up the heat to keep the event in Orlando. “I though we had blown it” said Disney spokesperson Alec Buttz. “We’ll do what it takes to keep the party here.”

“If Gay Days were to be somewhere else, we’d have to close down for a week due to absenteeism.”

WASHINGTON, D.C.

NRA DEBUTS NEW SLOGAN

In a ceremony at the NRA HQ the new slogan for the association was unveiled. NRA Chairman Charlton Heston was supposed to host the ceremony but due to a scheduling conflict he was found wandering in a field for an hour and a half. A vice manager and general president of the organization made public the new motto: “ GUNS DON’T KILL PEOPLE, THE GOVERNMENT DOES

Be back soon with more of the unusual as usual……………………..Philo