Can Miss Teen South Carolina find Chile on a map?
Perhaps more disturbing: many people can't find Chili on a menu.

Recently Egyptologists working in Carn, have proven the existence of the earliest known chili in history. Their findings promote the land of the Sphinx as being the earliest known origin of the what chili lovers describe as the bowl of blessedness. The discover leads credence to chili having its roots in one of Egypt's pre-dynastic early upper kingdoms.

The rounded pharonic crown of upper Egypt bears a close resemblance to a chili pepper. But more compelling proof is hieroglyphics transcribed from the walls of the Luxor in Las Vegas which leave little doubt as to who the real father of Chili was.

 Pharaoh OyISmeltaHotepCumin's name will soon be as famous as King Tut and Colonel Harland Sanders.

According to the Luxor glyphs, self-titled as The Book of the Red (which we now know must pre-date The Book of the Dead, for good reason), this illustrious pharaoh not only invented chili, but also created the Red Sea through which marched Moses and the Hebrews (during the Exodus, the Hebrews gathered bitter (hot) herbs for the Passover Seder Meal from the shoreline of the Red Sea). The Golden Calf may have been the world's first beef chili. Giant Paul Bunyan and his calf, Blue, signs are even found today in diverse chili lands.

From The Book of the Red: "Yea in the second year of his reign, did the great Pharaoh Oy-I-Smelta Hotep-Cumin (Egyptian word for Chili [source]), pile up a great chili offering unto the gods; and by reason of the many bullock which he slew, chili'ed and piled-up was the sea turned to red, and was henceforth called the Red Sea. Thereafter, did the sultry Pharaoh take his chariots up into the land of the Weaklynites which was close unto the Capsaicin Sea. There did he slew many a man, woman and child, by reason of his fiery hotness. Yea he did smoke them with a mighty burning belly, and they were sore a smote. Yea, did he slew them? Why yes for show! Hence after, they were known as the Hittites, an ancient Anato-lian people, Hurrian for the water to escape the flaming fury."

 More of The Book of the Red has yet to be translated owing to the pressing need of the Luxor janitors closing the chambers for cleaning.