If you've never seen a recipe for elephant stew, you'll need to Google one.

I've never been much of an elephant man, but being from the southern United States, I've come by varied elephant cuisine here and there.  An elephant delicacy of our region is almost exclusively reserved for carnivals, fairs and circus shows, where the masses justify the meal, as an elephant can go a long way we know.  In the south we like fried foods and sweet deserts, so we combine the two when cooking elephant ears.  These are battered in doughnut breading and fried.  Before eating, the elephant ears are sprinkled with powdered sugar and perhaps cinnamon butter.  If you're ever fortunate enough to chew on an elephant ear, beware that unscrupulous hucksters vending this fare often cheat the buyer by pawning off simply the fried dough as genuine elephant ear.

 

I had often wondered what use was made of the remaining elephants which provided all these ears.  After extensive research, I first learned about elephant noodle stew.  Consisting of capital letters, the alphabet pasta used in this soup is sometimes called Elefantoni.  It's believed that the recipe that is most used in our region has it's origins in Tuskany; owing to the strong Italian flavor.   However some traditionalists claim that the Italian influence was added only after Hannibal (a general who commanded the Carthaginian army in the second Punic War; crossed the Alps and defeated the Romans with his army of more than 100,000, supported by elephants and presumably, elephant stew) strewed the dish all over the Alps and Italy to boot.  I'll leave it for you to decide if this recipe trumps the ones you've read about on the internet.

 

I don't remember all of the ingredients, but I know that choosing a ripe elephant is paramount.  The elephant should be firm to the touch so as to avoid any squishy or sickly ones.  When thumping (best done at the trunk) avoid hollow sounds or elephants who thump back.  A white elephant usually works best even if they are more expensive.  The elephant meat should be diced so rolling in a pot is easier.  A python is also added.  Use caution when seasoning with oregano.  If snake eyes come up, scrap the stew, and make elephant chilli.   A large refrigerated truck is useful in making the elephant chilli.

 

After the preparations above, combine with a rue, okra, Cajun seasonings,...  No wait!  This isn't the recipe for elephant stew; it's the recipe for elephant dumbo!

 

In any case, elephant stew is essentially the panacea cure-all for that whatchumacallit you'll never forget, but whatever it is, escapes me at this moment.