Funny Junk You Didn't Know
Steve On The Road for the Latest Republican Debates
by Steve On The Road.
Hey Chas! This is Steve On The Road for Junk Brothers News from Orlando Floriday for the latest on the last two Republican Debates. Our boss, Rich Bossmund, thinks that I'm uniquely qualified, probably due to my being a retired, 22-year Navel Vetran. I had to write in my notebook really fast, and when my good hand got tired, I had to switch to my short hand.
I've got some really good takes that Mr. Bossmund may want to use in his newz:
A Hunter-Thompson ticket would be a GONZO ticket!
What this country needs is to start playing as a team.
If you can't stand the juice, get O.J. out the cooler!
The everywhere girl is Not With Stupid anymore.
Fair Trade does not mean Free Trade. Russia bad. China bad too!
Rudy Guiliani wants Rudy Guiliani wants to privatize Canada's healthcare. Guiliani said to Hillary Clinton: "No kidding Hillary — America can't afford you." He then said he also drove Hillary, porn, and maybe Paris Hilton, out of Times Square, but if it was unclear what Jersey would do about it. He then promised that he'd pay off illegal aliens as snitches who finger all of those peeps crossing the borders and such. He says go to Texas and get a cap for $250,000; it must be bigger than Hoss' 10-gallon hat! Oh, he likes city sanctuaries too; but the other guys don't. He thinks that if the polls are correct, that John Kerry must be the U.S. president now. Guiliani said that in his foreign affairs ... self-interest is enormously important; but it was unclear how many of his marriages were the result of this. Giuliani said that he had 210 weddings when he was mayor of New York, and added that he hoped they were all men and women, but he could never be certain about that when he was in New York.
How did Fred Thompson affair? Law or Disorder? Thompson wants all states to build tart reformatories at the local level, but he does not support people in big hats if they want to cross state lines. It was unclear if he was talking about Jersey; but when it came to Massachusetts, he definitely thinks Ted Kennedy is fat, and that he would be hard to have passing room either on the left or the right. Thompson said that Current retirees — or for those near retirement wouldn't be affected {by index cards}. And those retiring in the future would get the same benefits in real dollars as those retiring now, but not more. Evidently, they would have to first wait until the real dollars were spent by retirees now, and then hope that the new currency has a long shelf-life. Thompson accused Guiliani of preferring the taboo position on top of conservatives.
Mitt Romney said that he would likely donate the economy to charity if elected president. He said it was tough living in a state of Massachusetts, what with fighting a liberal lion, marrying gays, and avoiding Ted Kennedy. He said the status of marriage in Massachusetts could spread to the entire nation, if we didn't have the constitution for it. He said that Rudolf Guiliani supported marrying O. Cuomo. I'm not sure what he meant by that. Romney claims that Hillary Clinton wants to rebuild the White House, instead of living in the one that Ronald Reagan built. He said he did not want the guys who did the cleanup at Katrina taking responsibility for health care in this country. I heard that a few of them had already been booked and that they were still trying to run down the rest. Mitt mentioned that the price of premium in his home state had reached $180.
Huckabee Fin wants to unionize postal workers. He is an ordanged Baptist Preacher. I reckon the mailmen will pass home plate. Added Huck: "I just want to remind everybody when all the old hippies find out that they get free drugs, just wait until what that's going to cost out there." It appears that Hillary Clinton has budget amendments to earmark $1 million for a Woodstock music museum to commemorate the 1969 festival, but Duncan Hunter would rather see that money go to the Cuban freedom fighters from 1961. McCain said that he was tied-up during Woodstock. Huckabee thinks the difference between Aerosmith and Hillary is that Hillary is not too funny, but he thinks he has a keen sense of loud music, and he looks like funny. And then he read some lines from the Declaration of Independence that stated that the creator had given us all alienable rights. He said that one of those rights is the right to life, or the diggity of life.
Ron Paul doesn't like new money; it must be too colorful. He said that he knew what marriage is all about because he had read about it in the dictionary. Tom Tancredo wants social security to pay for mutual funds, and out source Michael Moore to Cuba. He said illegal immigrants are crossing the border into California for 90 billion in health care benefits, and that hundreds of hospitals in the country would need to closed to reimburse California's immigrants. Tancredo said that Nancy Pelosi is not a very good speaker of the House and she is an even lousier secretary of state. This may have been criticism about her choice of Ottomans clashing with Turkish rugs, but nothing more was said about her decorating skills.
John McCain says he should've urged Bush's enlistment before going into Iraq. He said looking into Vladimir Putin's eyes reminded him of the KGB. He promised that he would make sure that we have a missile defense system in place to protect Czechoslovakia and Poland.
Hillary is a skanked Miss Goody Two Shoes.
What Would Newt Do?
Obamba aims to install 50,000 centrifuges in Arak and will pull the whole Persian rug business out from under Turkmenistan!
Hunter to Dubai: NASCAR not a good buy. Duncan Hunter wants Cubans to fight side by side with our guys on the U.S.S. Ronald Reagan aircraft carrier sitting a few miles off shore of a sequel to Iran-Contra, called Iran-El-Salvador. He said Romney's health care plan would provide fertility benefits to 90 year-olds.
Booyah! Don't leav'em hangin!
I've got some really good takes that Mr. Bossmund may want to use in his newz:
A Hunter-Thompson ticket would be a GONZO ticket!
What this country needs is to start playing as a team.
If you can't stand the juice, get O.J. out the cooler!
The everywhere girl is Not With Stupid anymore.
Fair Trade does not mean Free Trade. Russia bad. China bad too!
Rudy Guiliani wants Rudy Guiliani wants to privatize Canada's healthcare. Guiliani said to Hillary Clinton: "No kidding Hillary — America can't afford you." He then said he also drove Hillary, porn, and maybe Paris Hilton, out of Times Square, but if it was unclear what Jersey would do about it. He then promised that he'd pay off illegal aliens as snitches who finger all of those peeps crossing the borders and such. He says go to Texas and get a cap for $250,000; it must be bigger than Hoss' 10-gallon hat! Oh, he likes city sanctuaries too; but the other guys don't. He thinks that if the polls are correct, that John Kerry must be the U.S. president now. Guiliani said that in his foreign affairs ... self-interest is enormously important; but it was unclear how many of his marriages were the result of this. Giuliani said that he had 210 weddings when he was mayor of New York, and added that he hoped they were all men and women, but he could never be certain about that when he was in New York.
How did Fred Thompson affair? Law or Disorder? Thompson wants all states to build tart reformatories at the local level, but he does not support people in big hats if they want to cross state lines. It was unclear if he was talking about Jersey; but when it came to Massachusetts, he definitely thinks Ted Kennedy is fat, and that he would be hard to have passing room either on the left or the right. Thompson said that Current retirees — or for those near retirement wouldn't be affected {by index cards}. And those retiring in the future would get the same benefits in real dollars as those retiring now, but not more. Evidently, they would have to first wait until the real dollars were spent by retirees now, and then hope that the new currency has a long shelf-life. Thompson accused Guiliani of preferring the taboo position on top of conservatives.
Mitt Romney said that he would likely donate the economy to charity if elected president. He said it was tough living in a state of Massachusetts, what with fighting a liberal lion, marrying gays, and avoiding Ted Kennedy. He said the status of marriage in Massachusetts could spread to the entire nation, if we didn't have the constitution for it. He said that Rudolf Guiliani supported marrying O. Cuomo. I'm not sure what he meant by that. Romney claims that Hillary Clinton wants to rebuild the White House, instead of living in the one that Ronald Reagan built. He said he did not want the guys who did the cleanup at Katrina taking responsibility for health care in this country. I heard that a few of them had already been booked and that they were still trying to run down the rest. Mitt mentioned that the price of premium in his home state had reached $180.
Huckabee Fin wants to unionize postal workers. He is an ordanged Baptist Preacher. I reckon the mailmen will pass home plate. Added Huck: "I just want to remind everybody when all the old hippies find out that they get free drugs, just wait until what that's going to cost out there." It appears that Hillary Clinton has budget amendments to earmark $1 million for a Woodstock music museum to commemorate the 1969 festival, but Duncan Hunter would rather see that money go to the Cuban freedom fighters from 1961. McCain said that he was tied-up during Woodstock. Huckabee thinks the difference between Aerosmith and Hillary is that Hillary is not too funny, but he thinks he has a keen sense of loud music, and he looks like funny. And then he read some lines from the Declaration of Independence that stated that the creator had given us all alienable rights. He said that one of those rights is the right to life, or the diggity of life.
Ron Paul doesn't like new money; it must be too colorful. He said that he knew what marriage is all about because he had read about it in the dictionary. Tom Tancredo wants social security to pay for mutual funds, and out source Michael Moore to Cuba. He said illegal immigrants are crossing the border into California for 90 billion in health care benefits, and that hundreds of hospitals in the country would need to closed to reimburse California's immigrants. Tancredo said that Nancy Pelosi is not a very good speaker of the House and she is an even lousier secretary of state. This may have been criticism about her choice of Ottomans clashing with Turkish rugs, but nothing more was said about her decorating skills.
John McCain says he should've urged Bush's enlistment before going into Iraq. He said looking into Vladimir Putin's eyes reminded him of the KGB. He promised that he would make sure that we have a missile defense system in place to protect Czechoslovakia and Poland.
Hillary is a skanked Miss Goody Two Shoes.
What Would Newt Do?
Obamba aims to install 50,000 centrifuges in Arak and will pull the whole Persian rug business out from under Turkmenistan!
Hunter to Dubai: NASCAR not a good buy. Duncan Hunter wants Cubans to fight side by side with our guys on the U.S.S. Ronald Reagan aircraft carrier sitting a few miles off shore of a sequel to Iran-Contra, called Iran-El-Salvador. He said Romney's health care plan would provide fertility benefits to 90 year-olds.
Booyah! Don't leav'em hangin!